Music & Lyrics

Joseph Smith American Moses

And now we wish to honour you with the story of Joseph Smith, the American Moses!
Well this is very good, priestess
Mormon!
I’m going to take you back in time! (mormon)
To the United States year 1823. (mormon)
A small and odd village called oopstate New York. (oopstate)
There was Disease, and famine (so sick)
But also in the village lived a simple farmer who would change everything
His name was Joseph Smith

Ha-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya
Joseph Smith, American Moses!
Praise be to Joseph! American prophet man.

AY! My name is Joseph Smith, and I’m going to fuck this baby!
What?!

No no Joseph! Don’t fuck the baby!
Joseph Smith, don’t fuck the baby.

Suddenly the clouds parted,
And Joseph Smith was visited by GOD!

Joseph Smith, do not fuck a baby.
I’ll get rid of your AIDS if you fuck this frog.

Ha-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya

Joseph Smith fucked the frog god gave him,
And his AIDS went away!
Then a great wizard named Maronai came down from the starship enterprise

Joseph Smith! Your village is shit!
You should lead the villagers to a new village.
Take these fucking golden plates (awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay)

And on the plates were written the directions to a new land.
Sal Tlay Ka Siti (Sal Tlay Ka Siti)
Joseph tried to convince all the villagers to follow him and his golden plates.

Liberation! Equality! No more slavery for oopstate Mormon people!

I got de golden plates! (gold plates)
I gunna lead the people! (we head west)
We gotta stick together! (for months)
We gotta hel’ eachother! (we will for months)
And so we climb the mountain! (we head west)
And we cross the river (we head west)
And we fight the oppression! (for months)
By being nice to everyone (we are Mormons)

Not so fast mormons! You shall not pass my mountain!
(Down from the mountain look who comes! The American warman, Rigam Yam!
YES! I am Rigam Yam!
I cut off my daughters clitoris.
That made god angry so he turned my nose into a clit for punishment!
(Rigam Yam, his nose was a clitoris)

What will you do Joseph? Will you fight the clitoris man?

Not fight him, help him! (oooohhhhhhhh)

Joseph Smith took his magical fuck frog and rubbed it upon Rigam Yams clit-face,
And behold, Rigam was cured!

Joseph Smith! Magical AIDS frog!
Frog on his clit-face!

Rigam Yam was so greatful, he decided to join the Mormons and their journey.

Compassion!
Courtesy!
Let’s be really fucking polite to everyone!

I got de golden plates! (gold plates)
I gunna lead the people! (we head west)
We gotta stick together! (for months)

Now comes the part of our story that gets a little bit sad. (ohh)
After travelling for so long,
The Mormons ran out of fresh water,
And became sick, with dysentery!

Oh fuck!

Oh no! The prophet Joseph smith is now getting sick!
Rigam Yam, you must take the golden plates and lead the Mormons to the promise land!

Despiration!
Mortality!
Loss of faith!
I…………….. got the golden plates (gold plates)
I gunna lead the people (we head west)…

Even though their prophet had died,
The Mormons stuck together,
And helped eachother,
And were really nice to everyone they came across.
And one day, the Mormons finally found,
Sal Tlay Ka Siti! (Sal Tlay Ka Siti)
And then, the Mormons danced with ewoks,
And were greeted by Jesus!

Welcome Mormons!
Now, let’s all have as many babies as we can,
And make big, Mormon families!

Woohoo!
Fuck your woman, fuck your man,
It is all part of gods plan
Mormons help god as they can,
Here in Salt Lake City land!

Thank you!  Thank you,
For now we are fucking.
Thank you! Thank you,
Come god wants us fucking.
Thank you! Thank you,
But get back to fucking.
Thaaaa- Get back to fucking!
Thank you! Thank you god!
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